i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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