the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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