I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
