What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
