I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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