it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so let's talk penis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
