i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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