There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
