11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
