I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
