And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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