dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
