scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
me + whiskey = a bad person
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
FUCK WHALES
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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