I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
