the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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