I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
