Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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