Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
