In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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