you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize