after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
