I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
