good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
