Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
