Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We have started to decorate penises.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
