i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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