I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
