I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
