My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
