He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
