handjob tips. give me some.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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