I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
