Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
