When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Randomize