I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
