Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
