It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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