just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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