And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
