farters have to be the big spoon...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
