Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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