Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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