I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize