I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize