Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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