I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
