apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
