Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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