Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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