I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
