so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i out mim tonsoeep
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