No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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