Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
