Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
