God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
