Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
