I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
