but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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