Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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