Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
