he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
