My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
