Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize