Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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