dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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