please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't make out with my wife yet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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