I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm passing your future prison.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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