Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
