I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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