You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
