I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
