Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
