Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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