what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
